What's Lost Can Be Claimed

I stare at the wall before me, staring off into space. I try to focus on the present, but the past is too mesmerizing to ignore. I can’t forget the past, the past of my dead mother, my dead sister, and my dead brother. I can feel wetness in the corners of my eyes, but the feeling of them, makes me think, ‘Do I still belong in that world?’

 I was supposed to die along with them in that moment of truth, that moment of death. They died before me, their blood splashing against my face. I remembered the screaming of my mother, the screaming of my elder sister, telling me to run while I still could. I remembered standing there clueless of what to do, clutching to my teddy bear, confused. Until the blood came rushing. Memories of bloodstains on the floor came through my mind every time I closed my eyes.

I remembered bloodthirsty eyes from a man, I once thought was loving, caring, and kind. I was wrong, that man became the man who destroyed my life, the creature who ripped my world apart, the monster who murdered my family. It was my time to die then; my turn to become the next victim of his blade, but then the police had pulled me away. They ruined everything by pulling me to safety, ruined any chance I had of dying alongside the only people that ever mattered to me. At the time, I had fainted, the only moment of peace since I felt the blood on my cheek. It was complete darkness where I remembered nothing, no life, no memories, and that were what put me at peace.

It didn’t last though; I had waked up to the bright sunlight in a white room which nearly blinded me.  I stand up, making my way mindlessly into the hallway where nurses were scurrying about.

I sway from side to side until I see a knife, a knife that lay on a counter in another room. All I could have thought of now when I saw it was simply one easy word; escape. I walk slowly towards it and took it off the desk. I grasp it firmly in my hand, examining it closely. Then with one swift motion, I cut my other wrist with it. Blood rushed to the ground. I barely felt the cut but now I was losing strength and I fell to the hospital floor.

I hear a woman screaming from in front of me. I look up and smile weakly one last time and closed my eyes. I no longer saw bloodstains when I closed my eyes.